A Spring To-Do List – As Written by Your Cat
Spring is here, and there is so much to do! The sun is out, the snow is melting, and wildlife is returning outside. Instead of being a big, judgmental loaf, I feel alive and full of purpose. As a result, I put together a list of things I want to get done this season – and if you know anyone who can help make them happen, don’t be shy. Hope you enjoy!
1. Chatter Aggressively at Birds Through the Window
A spring classic. The return of birds means hours of premium entertainment. Teeth will chatter. Tails will twitch. Dignity will be temporarily abandoned. Catching the bird? Not necessary. Yelling at the bird? Essential.
2. Eat Grass Like It’s a Gourmet Meal, Then Throw It Up and Regret It
After months of staring at a frozen wasteland, we finally have access to fresh greenery, something I love, but for reasons I don’t even understand. I always end up throwing it up on the living room carpet anyway.
3. Interrupt Every Spring Cleaning Effort
You call it spring cleaning, I call it an attack on my regime. As a result, I will sit in every empty box, reorganize your folded laundry and redistribute dust at a microscopic level. Productivity will not be tolerated.
4. Demand the Window Be Open… Then Closed… Then Open Again
Spring air is exciting. But also, suspicious. This spring you will find me meowing in front of every window and door until someone opens them or moves me out of the way. If you thought human protestors were loud, wait until you hear my sustained notes. There are birds and bunnies to be watched, and sharp breezes to be felt.
5. Launch Into Full-Speed Zoomies Throughout the Day
Something about spring flips a switch. I mentioned earlier that this time of year makes me feel alive and full of purpose. One moment I might be asleep, then a sound will wake me up, and I’ll realize how much time I’ve wasted by sleeping and sprint around the house to make up for it.
6. Hunt Every Bug Like a Seasoned Predator
Flies, spiders, mysterious airborne specks – spring brings them all. I’ve grown quite adept at snatching them right out of the air. I feel like a pro tennis player, or a frog, whose legs are its tongue. It’s a full-time job… well, it’s like being on call. I see a bug, I hunt it.
7. Rediscover Sunbeams (and Refuse to Leave Them)
The sun is back, and I plan to make the most of it. There will be a lot of dramatic stretching, long naps, and leaving my responsibilities for another day. You would, too.
8. Knock Over At Least One Plant “By Accident.”
I don’t know what makes knocking a plant over so satisfying, but there is no replacement. I love knocking things off tables and shelves, but a plant is number one – the dirt, the weight, the explosion on the floor. It’s a living.
9. Shed Enough Fur to Build a Second Cat
Winter is over, so I don’t need all this extra fur anymore. As an animal without opposable thumbs, it’s my responsibility to shed the fur, and the human’s responsibility to clean it up. It’s about being comfortable on my own terms… or maybe it’s more Mother Nature’s terms. Either way, I am not too concerned.